These numbers, however, don't address the question "what's wrong with pornography?" It's one thing to acknowledge that many people have interacted with pornography---we all agree on that. However, when it comes to determining whether porn is right, wrong, or somewhere in between, disagreements arise. That is why I am writing this blog. Porn is damaging on many levels, but our culture has become so sexualized that the Enemy has made pornography commonplace and, as a result, accepted by the masses. Pornography is everywhere, and depending on your definition, it is far more than just the nudity found in pictures or movies. So, how do we define porn? The actual dictionary definition of porn focuses on anything that elicits sexual excitement as pornography. Believe it or not, the word porn can be found in your Bible Porneia (in its various forms) appears in the New Testament 25 times and is used to indicate fornication (sex outside of marriage) and sexual immorality (anything that encourages or sparks sexuality outside of the marriage bed). In short, the Biblical definition of porn is the same as the modern dicitionary definition of porn---anything that creates sexual excitement outside of your spouse. So, porn is more than xxx websites and magazines. It is the billboards on 80-94 that depict scantily-clad young women and advertise for strip clubs. It's restaurants that primary means of luring in customers is women wearing next to nothing. It is "Girls Gone Wild" commercials (yes, the commercials are every bit as pornographic as the film itself). It can be something as seemingly mild as Facebook pictures that reveal way too much. In short, porn is anything that creates sexual excitement. We know what porn is, but is it wrong? Here are five ways that I see that porn is not only wrong, it is destructive.
1) Porn hurts your relationship with God. If you don't have a relationship with Christ or you are disinterested in religion, you may want to skip to number two. But, if you consider yourself to be a person who believes in God or further yet is a born-again Christian, read on. As mentioned above, the Bible speaks at length about sexual immorality. The New Testament is filled with references regarding impure sexuality, and this teaching starts with Jesus. In the timeless sermon on the mount, Jesus addressed the topic of lust---sexual desire for anyone other than your spouse. Addressing the legalistic religion of his hearers, Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already commited adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:27-28, ESV) Adultery is named among the ten commandments and is condemned throughout the New Testament. If we believe the words of Christ in this sermon, then there can be no doubt that He is staunchly opposed to pornography. Further, the apostle Paul addresses issues of sexual immorality at length in his NT writings. He repeatedly condemns both the business of prostitution and the engaging in sexual activity with a prostitute. Pornography IS prostitution. Porn stars are paid to have sex on camera...further, oftentimes the audience is paying to participate in the sex act by buying magazines, subscribing to websites, purchasing DVDs, etc. By participating in pornography (even "free" pornography online), you are helping to fund the biggest financial windfall of prostitution in the history of the world (in a calendar year, the porn business makes more money than pro baseball, football, basketball and hockey COMBINED). The New Testament continues on with scores of verses that indicate that God desires sexual purity for His people and that those who are unrepentant of sexual immorality will not inherit the Kingdom. (I will glad to share those verses with anyone who would like to read further...or visit www.biblegateway.com and search for "sexual immorality" to read more). With all this said, it becomes clear that pornography is not something that can a part of a Christian's life. The Lord is full of grace and mercy for any of us that have stumbled in this area, but our heart must be to turn away from the things God hates.
2) Porn hurts us, rewiring the way we think about ourselves, others and sex. There is significant research (again, from both sacred and secular sources) that show that pornography actually changes the brain. Fixating on graphic images creates new neural pathways that, over time, change the way we think. (This type of rewiring can also occur when fixating on violent imagery, etc.) Particularly in men, this type of neural rewiring causes them to be unable to see women realistically and instead to objectify them sexually. (More on this below.) Continued exposure to porn affects "mirror neurons" which are motor system cells that activate when you see a behavior. (William Struthers, Wired for Intimacy). Mirror neurons can cause people to vicariously participate in the sex act they are viewing in pornography. This can cause two problems: first, the viewer disconnects from reality; second, the viewer's brain, over time, will only cause the viewer to become sexually aroused when mirroring the activity they have watched (either by watching it, or an expanded version of the act, or by fantasizing about the act). In other words, the viewer can only be aroused by pornography or by fantasizing about pornography. Our spouse, which should be the only person we are aroused by, is no longer able to arouse us on their own merits. This is very sad, unfortunate and unintended consequence of consuming pornography. Without using emotional and spiritual self-control to avoid pornography, we risk losing physical self-control due to our physiology. (For an expanded overview of this topic, check out pages 139-142 of Mark and Grace Driscoll's book Real Marriage: The Truth about Sex, Friendship and Life Together.)
3) Porn damages marriages, including future marriages. The previous two points make this one. God intended marriage to be pure. Hebrews 13:4 says that we must keep the marriage bed undefiled and avoid all sexual immorality. God wants you to share your sexuality with your spouse alone. Not only is sex a pleasurable gift from God, it is also an act that is designed to bind you together with your spouse. When two people are sexually active, chemicals are released to the brain that actually binds the people together. Similar chemicals are released to the brain when pornography is viewed. Watching porn binds the viewer to the people he/she is watching and in turn makes the spousal bond less valuable. We should want to be bound to our spouse alone. Pornography is, simply put, unfaithfulness to the marriage. Marital infidelity is hurtful because of the destruction of trust even more so than the act itself. Hidden porn habits create the same destruction of trust. Some porn-users argue that they enjoy using pornography as an aid to their sex life with their spouse, i.e. watching pornography together. Ironically, this choice to try and grow closer together is emotional and physically creating disconnect between the spouses without them even realizing it. For those who are unmarried, your sexual activity and your engagement with porn now will assuredly have an impact on your marriage later. The purity intended to be there will be nearly impossible because of the emotional and physiological impact that sex acts have on the brain and body.
4) Porn sets an unreachable and/or undesireable standard for women, hurting their self-image and their value in the eyes of a porn-infected world. This objectification of women starts with the media at large. Beauty tends to be defined by what the producers, advertisers, record labels, etc decide on as beautiful. This in turn shapes the way most of us think about beauty, even if it is subconscious thinking. This skewed thinking goes to an entirely different level when one is fixated on pornography. Obviously, most porn "stars" first become popular due to their good looks and "perfect" bodies (and let's face it, the majority of women in the world don't look like this). Porn goes a step further and presents its female participants as women who always want sex, who enjoy being degraded (one study showed that 90% of porn scenes depicted some degradation of women) and are entirely naive. As men consistently watch pornography, their neural pathways are altered and they begin to expect their spouse to exhibit these same charactertistics. Realistically, their spouse will not have the body of a porn star. Further, most women do NOT want sex all the time, they do NOT want to be degraded and they are NOT unintelligent. This disconnect between the viewer's perceived sexual reality and actual sexual reality causes dysfunction and, in some cases, even violence. In almost all cases, however, a woman's self-image is damaged by the expectations of their spouse.
5) Porn hurts children. Earlier last decade, it was estimated that over 100, 000 child porn websites were in existence. Updated numbers are not available, but experts estimate that the number has risen dramatically. In 2007, a British study showed that one child porn site received over 1 million hits in a month. Additionally, in 2002, Congress changed the definition of child porn from any visual act that appears to be done by a child to a more lenient definition that stated that the participant must actually be a minor for it to be considered child porn. This is not a small difference. Porn makers can now make their actors appear younger than they are (hair styles, child-like clothing, "innocent" personality types) to create the illusion of child porn. The viewing of child pornography or similar types of porn have been clearly linked to pedophilia. Porn is a gateway to child sexual abuse. Porn also hurts children because of the easy access kids have to it. When I was a teenager, the internet was still in the dial-up stage and surfing for internet pornography was a challenge. Now, with high speed and wireless internet, porn is two clicks and a google search away. Children can be unattended at a computer for literally a minute and be exposed to horrifying, graphic porn, Sadly, parents can and often are naive when it comes to their children and porn. Kids have computers in their rooms, iPhones, smart phones, laptops, Kindles, and any other device that can access the internet. If your child has access to the Internet without your supervision, you can be assured that they will sooner or later stumble on to porn (whether on purpose or not). The average age that kids access porn is 11. All of those emotional and physiological effects discussed earlier can start to impact your kids BEFORE they hit puberty! This should cause us grave concern. In our family, we recently installed an internet filter and accountability program. Our kids cannot access the internet without logging in. The filter does not allow them to see any type of inappropriate material (everything from pornography to questionable Youtube videos to Google image searches). Additionally, any time they attempt to access such material we get notified by text message and email. This may seem extreme, but we want our children (and ourselves!) to be protected from destructive, predatory world of porn. Visit www.x3watch.com for more information this service...it is only $7 a month and is well worth the investment of protecting your children and marriage.
I hope this has been somewhat helpful to you as you try to navigate this sexualized society that tells you that porn in all of its sordid forms is okay. You're under attack and I hope this article gives you some awareness of what to watch for, what porn does to you and how to protect yourself. If you want confidential advice, help or accountability to be freed from porn, to protect your marriage from porn or help with protecting and educating your kids, please feel free to contact me via Facebook or at derekchirch@comcast.net.